Thinking about the reasons why people engage in smalltalk (in other areas of life too such as family and friends, dating, service providers, etc) helps (me) cope with its banality and even enjoy it; The irrationality is quite rational.
A conversation, especially a face-to-face one, contains something beyond content: Something like a meeting of souls. The (hopefully positive) feeling of the presence of another human being. The breadth and importance of this non-verbal communication is obvious.
Smalltalk then, is basically a request to engage only in this non-verbal connection for a fleeting moment. The content is almost completely irrelevant. It's just the excuse to be in a bubble together for a while. Seen this way helps (me) in two ways:
0. You don't need to be "good" at it. It really doesn't matter what you say. Say anything and the ball keeps rolling for a few moments longer.
1. You can find compassion towards the person who initiates it instead of contempt: They are actually asking to warm by your fire for a little bit. They are not testing/dueling you.
Or in the more sentimental words of L. Armstrong: "I see friends shaking hands, saying How Do You Do. They're really saying I Love You"
I think so. I love deep and meaningful connection and getting lost in that conversation but if you leave out all of the small talk that naturally happens in between, it’s easy to find yourself in a very lonely place. For a time I used to dislike it because it seemed pointless.
Not everybody is comfortable with silence and, given a chance, you might find that some small talk kicks off the deeper conversation you so desire. After that I realised it wasn’t so much the deep meaning that I wanted so much, it was being able to connect, listen and empathise. And to enjoy some of that from someone else.
In the end, the small talk is quite valuable even if it seems utterly banal on the surface. Sometimes I just laugh about it, use it as an icebreaker. Life isn’t so serious all the time, after all.
I think so. I love deep and meaningful connection and getting lost in that conversation but if you leave out all of the small talk that naturally happens in between, it’s easy to find yourself in a very lonely place. For a time I used to dislike it because it seemed pointless.
Not everybody is comfortable with silence and, given a chance, you might find that some small talk kicks off the deeper conversation you so desire. After that I realised it wasn’t so much the deep meaning that I wanted so much, it was being able to connect, listen and empathise. And to enjoy some of that from someone else.
In the end, the small talk is quite valuable even if it seems utterly banal on the surface. Sometimes I just laugh about it, use it as an icebreaker.
A conversation, especially a face-to-face one, contains something beyond content: Something like a meeting of souls. The (hopefully positive) feeling of the presence of another human being. The breadth and importance of this non-verbal communication is obvious.
Smalltalk then, is basically a request to engage only in this non-verbal connection for a fleeting moment. The content is almost completely irrelevant. It's just the excuse to be in a bubble together for a while. Seen this way helps (me) in two ways:
0. You don't need to be "good" at it. It really doesn't matter what you say. Say anything and the ball keeps rolling for a few moments longer. 1. You can find compassion towards the person who initiates it instead of contempt: They are actually asking to warm by your fire for a little bit. They are not testing/dueling you.
Or in the more sentimental words of L. Armstrong: "I see friends shaking hands, saying How Do You Do. They're really saying I Love You"